Your tits are I can't wait for
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
