And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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