Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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