i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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