What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
