I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
