Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Church boner. Awkwardddd
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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