FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
