I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
