He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My ass is underappreciated
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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