Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
