Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
