she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
