real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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