Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
