yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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