Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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