I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just saw a hot homeless man
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I want a musical about memes.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
