I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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