If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
