Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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