Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
