So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
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constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
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Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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