Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
