Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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