I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
