dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
