as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
