I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
