this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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