Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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