im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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