it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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