Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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