I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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