What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
