There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
