girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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