My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
