Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
