I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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