I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
