If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
