you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
