You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
