I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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