pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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