You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
