the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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