just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
