watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Still dying that you shit outside
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
