Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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