You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
