Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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