Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
