Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
