I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
