my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
