is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
