I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
