Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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