I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
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You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
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It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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