well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
be right there i have to get my cape
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
