He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
