I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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