I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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