saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
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the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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