there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
