he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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