Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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