i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
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Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
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I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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